Single Mothers and their Choices

Being a single mother for the past 19 years it astonishes me just how many single mothers prefer not to work these days. As I sit here thinking back the moment I was told that I had conceived a child my thoughts were….what the hell am I going to do? I knew at that time in my life I was not ready let alone prepared, but I decided within those few minutes I would work my ass off to make it a goal in my life and my child’s life that she would never be without. When you know that your relationship is not going to work out “happily ever after” it’s that moment you decide what is in the best interest for yourself and your child to achieve the most in life. I knew no matter what I would be a survivor and not make my responsibility someone else’s. My daughter’s father wasn’t really in the picture, but I knew he cared and loved her, but I still knew he wasn’t going to be the family man and stick around. Through all the ups and downs my achievements and goals have been accomplished. I did it because I chose to have my child. I continue to reflect of the long haul that I and I believe most single mothers experienced; I still think there is a problem with the way the current system works. First of all, they say there is a need for the man to step up with in families and become better "dads" even if unwedded and not living with the other parent. Well that’s totally contradicting, when courts immediately say as soon as the child is born the mother is the only one with full custody in which they say the father is basically considered just the sperm donor; hum? Well if the father is just a sperm donor, why is he subject to pay money each month for his wonderful donation; hum? When do you get charged for a donation? Off the back it leads a man to feel less responsible and active in the participation, because he has no rights, depending on whom the female is and her background (meaning her way of being brought up) a man may have to go through a hoops without breaking it just to see his child without any problems; rather (verbally, physically, or financially). Not only do you have to pay child support, but you also have to pay the courts for rights (legitimating)' ridiculous! Not only do you to take the DNA test but you have to pay the courts to try and receive equally spent time with the child (joint custody), ridiculous! After all the possible fees, on top of support paid, now wonder why men seem so frustrated. They do care but it’s expensive to prove to the stereotypical eye of the courts. Last I checked the count shows most woman make more money than most men. How can men support the needs of her and the child, and try to better themselves, Even a second make up job is charged. What happen to I pay what she would pay, equally the same way the child was equally created. Child support is not only against men. They are against anyone who is the NON-custodial parent; it doesn't matter if you are male or female. They DO NOT care about your needs or if you can make a better life for yourself. Child Support is a very one-sided organization. Just send your money and keep your mouth shut is their attitude.
I feel that when there is a divorce, or even if a child is born out of wedlock that whoever has FULL custody of the child should also have the full responsibility that goes along with it, or at least the non-custodial parent should not have to pay such a ridiculously high amount of support. Believe me; if I can do it, anyone can.... well, who chooses to take that responsibility.

The Child Support system needs a complete overhaul and it's time they start being a bit more fair, and make these money grubbing custodial parents take more responsibility for the kids as well, or give them to the non-custodial parent instead. I have NEVER spent $600/month on my child, so tell me why a woman needs that much for one child!!!!!

In a number of instances, the custodial parent is also receiving state assistance, because they cannot make it on their own. They are most likely receiving food stamps, rent assistance, heat assistance and welfare or better yet working as they call it “under the table”. These are all based on the income they are receiving.
There are other situations that arise that affect the above. I am open-minded, having gone through this personally. I also have friends that have gone through it, and their ex's are money-grubbers. One goes after him every 3 years, just like clockwork, just like the state allows you to.

One question I have is this.....WHY is it that people always say "Oh you need to be there for the kid and help out with feeding, etc.?" In most divorce cases the mother does not want the ex around at all and doesn't even want to see the ex again, BUT she is right there to suck him dry for money "for the kid" as they put it.

And on top of all of this half of all single mothers do not want to work and simply will not take jobs, a report has found.

The analysis said Labour will never achieve its goal of persuading large numbers of lone parents to abandon a life on benefits because a huge proportion of them simply refuse to do so.

Four out of ten single mothers, say they do want to take jobs 'but only at some point in the future'.

Although some mothers who are looking or willing to look for work derive some benefit from the interviews, most see going to one as a routine part of claiming benefits.

I know how difficult it is to raise a child on your own, but who made that decision? I can understand if you’ve been in a relationship for several years as I was. I knew in my heart he was not the one and that I would continue to work and achieve as much as possible for my child. It's a fact of life that it takes two people to produce a child, and it is not right that one should be able to walk away from him/her. But, what do you expect when there is no love there and a persons reasons to have a child is in fact for all the wrong reasons. First, there are woman to make those choices to have a child on their own and then choose not to work and expect to be take care of……that is unexceptable in my book. That’s where the line should be drawn.

Why do single parents think that they should be looked after? Take some responsiblity for your life as well as your child(s).