I was approached by one of my close friends and asked if I ever suffer or feel a sense of jealously of my fiancés past. I have to say “not really”. I do have to express I’m not fond of the fact that he had a relationship with someone while we were apart; not the sexual aspect of it; more of the emotional inner part of it, you know getting to know that person; sharing, understanding the interest of something new. Well I guess that’s the most imperative part of a new relationship…sink or swim….right?
I do feel that jealously is a lack of security and I don’t like to even slightly feel that emotion. We normally do not talk about our break up; better to move forward in life, than think about the mistakes made. I do believe mistakes are lessons learned and often times STUPIDITY…as he stated “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”, I could have told him that. Sometimes in certain lives we do need to take that turn that one that puts you, me, we on different paths to appreciate those things you once had and hopefully if desired get that second chance. He was at least able to recognize with this other person just how much we treasured one another. Jealousy can be a daunting undertaking, especially when all things considered, the only person that can truly overcome or realize jealousy is truly a waste of good energy. Handling it like a mature, rational person is what we all have to do to overcome it and realize it is truly an unhealthy way to live. If you think about it and rationalize that there is no reason to really be jealous, then the feelings of jealousy comes less often, or less severely until it gets to the point where jealousy is nothing more than a chance for you and your partner to bond with a flirtatious look rather than a jealous emotion. Lastly, remember that jealousy is never "just a phase" of a relationship. It can be a serious issue that you can make or break an otherwise a healthy relationship. So, I choose to be happy and know that I have nothing but the upmost respect for him and our paths we chose to take to get us here. It's not always easy, but in the end it is worth it. Thanks for all the wonderful comments. love always, Carla
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
It's Unconditional "Love"
People have been asking me lately how my fiancé and I keep the love strong; it still really feels as though we just met. Basically I say, when two people share a strong bond of mutual understanding, respect and love it lays the foundation stone for an everlasting relationship. This bond just gets stronger with time; the trust between two people grows and so does the attachment.
This is the beauty of real love and friendship it's the essential meaning of marriage. Being lovers and friends means being there for each other at all times, whether it's good or bad. A husband and wife need to be very understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Ideally the meaning of marriage is sharing unconditional love for each other. However this is not an ideal world; therefore some form of expectations are allowed, but that has a limit too. The purpose and meaning of marriage is to make life's burdens lighter for each other and not make them heavier.
The meaning of marriage lies within our hearts, because true love is always felt may not always be expressed, but it is evidently always there. James and I do have a problem……people still tell us to “get a room”…ahhhhh "love sweet love".
This is the beauty of real love and friendship it's the essential meaning of marriage. Being lovers and friends means being there for each other at all times, whether it's good or bad. A husband and wife need to be very understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Ideally the meaning of marriage is sharing unconditional love for each other. However this is not an ideal world; therefore some form of expectations are allowed, but that has a limit too. The purpose and meaning of marriage is to make life's burdens lighter for each other and not make them heavier.
The meaning of marriage lies within our hearts, because true love is always felt may not always be expressed, but it is evidently always there. James and I do have a problem……people still tell us to “get a room”…ahhhhh "love sweet love".
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
What makes a good marriage.....
As I continue to make last minute changes or add ons to my wedding....our wedding. I have been thinking about what really makes a good marriage. I know during the courtship period as they call it the "newlywed period", it feels at this point there will never be any issues or problems.....not. Will there alays be that passion that we have had for the past 7 1/2 years minus the seperation of two years? I know that marriage does take work especially with such different backgrounds.
As I read and take notes, there are a variety of other general characteristics of a good marriage. In a good marriage, husband and wife are careful to avoid temptations of infidelity. In a good marriage, couples respect one another. In a good marriage, people are willing to admit they are wrong. People forgive one another in a good marriage. In a good marriage, the partners have respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. In a good marriage, couples are loving, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally polite to one another. In a good marriage, the couple recognized that they are a team, and organize their lives as such.
At the root of much of these ideas is communication. Communication is one of the most important ways to have a good marriage. This is true in all of the areas of married life. A good marriage is one in which the couple can communicate about every issue, including children, work, household management, and sex. Couples need to be able to discuss how they are feeling, both in terms of how they feel about one another but also in terms of how they are feeling about other things in life. This does not mean that the husband and wife always agree on every issue; but it does mean that each is willing to listen to the other, and to discuss their points of view. Good communication makes a good marriage.
A good marriage is also one in which the married couple spends time together. With the hectic schedule of the modern world, couples have to make time to just be alone together. This can be anything from the weekly scheduled date night to an hour or so spent together in the evening after the kids are in bed or have gone out; now that they're 19. On a regular basis, the couple in a good marriage will do something together that they enjoy.
Ultimately, a good marriage is built on a foundation of love; but the bricks-and-mortar that rest on that foundation, such as communication, respect, and spending time together, take some effort.
I know we will always have that passion, but even that will take work with effort.
As I read and take notes, there are a variety of other general characteristics of a good marriage. In a good marriage, husband and wife are careful to avoid temptations of infidelity. In a good marriage, couples respect one another. In a good marriage, people are willing to admit they are wrong. People forgive one another in a good marriage. In a good marriage, the partners have respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. In a good marriage, couples are loving, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally polite to one another. In a good marriage, the couple recognized that they are a team, and organize their lives as such.
At the root of much of these ideas is communication. Communication is one of the most important ways to have a good marriage. This is true in all of the areas of married life. A good marriage is one in which the couple can communicate about every issue, including children, work, household management, and sex. Couples need to be able to discuss how they are feeling, both in terms of how they feel about one another but also in terms of how they are feeling about other things in life. This does not mean that the husband and wife always agree on every issue; but it does mean that each is willing to listen to the other, and to discuss their points of view. Good communication makes a good marriage.
A good marriage is also one in which the married couple spends time together. With the hectic schedule of the modern world, couples have to make time to just be alone together. This can be anything from the weekly scheduled date night to an hour or so spent together in the evening after the kids are in bed or have gone out; now that they're 19. On a regular basis, the couple in a good marriage will do something together that they enjoy.
Ultimately, a good marriage is built on a foundation of love; but the bricks-and-mortar that rest on that foundation, such as communication, respect, and spending time together, take some effort.
I know we will always have that passion, but even that will take work with effort.
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