Being a bridesmaid is perhaps one of the most important roles in the wedding, well besides the bride and groom. It was simple choosing my bridesmaids; they all felt it was truly an honor to be chosen. Having my closest friends and of course my daughter as my maid of honor, my sister matron of honor and my niece as a bridesmaid. Alright, I haven’t even counted my five closest friends in my wedding party….hey; there are no rules to a wedding. By choosing my bridesmaids came easily they have known me for many years and they have supported me with a great deal in my life. They all know why I chose them above all the rest, to be at my side through the most important day of my life. My bridesmaids were chosen because you can bet that I value these girls for so many reasons. I can count on my bridesmaids through the hectic time of preparing and planning for the wedding as advisers, errand runners, and confidants as well as to help with just about any menial task that I have to and have had to deal with. My girls (bridesmaids) are so reliable, organized, and happy to help whenever they are called. My friends don’t live as close to me as I would like, but they are there any time and day. I do miss my hometown of San Diego, but what’s 40 minutes….right?
My bridesmaids are the best because:
They have given me moral support all through the wedding process.
Offer advice on the music, food, decorations, etc...
Help in planning the rehearsal dinner
Hosting, planning and throwing the bridal shower.
Working with my friends to have a Bachlorette party for me.
Being a bridesmaid is truly an honor and a job to take seriously. I may not ask much of the bridesmaids, but they seem to help in every detail. I am so very grateful for their friendship and kindness.
James and I are truly blessed with such great friends and family that are around us. We look at each other every day and just thank each other for such happiness. We are so ready for our big day and are so grateful for all the support. Signing off soon to be Carla E. Kellogg…….Where do I find the time to write, I truly needed those 10 minutes to call my coordinator.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Jealousy is a Waste of Good Energy
I was approached by one of my close friends and asked if I ever suffer or feel a sense of jealously of my fiancés past. I have to say “not really”. I do have to express I’m not fond of the fact that he had a relationship with someone while we were apart; not the sexual aspect of it; more of the emotional inner part of it, you know getting to know that person; sharing, understanding the interest of something new. Well I guess that’s the most imperative part of a new relationship…sink or swim….right?
I do feel that jealously is a lack of security and I don’t like to even slightly feel that emotion. We normally do not talk about our break up; better to move forward in life, than think about the mistakes made. I do believe mistakes are lessons learned and often times STUPIDITY…as he stated “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”, I could have told him that. Sometimes in certain lives we do need to take that turn that one that puts you, me, we on different paths to appreciate those things you once had and hopefully if desired get that second chance. He was at least able to recognize with this other person just how much we treasured one another. Jealousy can be a daunting undertaking, especially when all things considered, the only person that can truly overcome or realize jealousy is truly a waste of good energy. Handling it like a mature, rational person is what we all have to do to overcome it and realize it is truly an unhealthy way to live. If you think about it and rationalize that there is no reason to really be jealous, then the feelings of jealousy comes less often, or less severely until it gets to the point where jealousy is nothing more than a chance for you and your partner to bond with a flirtatious look rather than a jealous emotion. Lastly, remember that jealousy is never "just a phase" of a relationship. It can be a serious issue that you can make or break an otherwise a healthy relationship. So, I choose to be happy and know that I have nothing but the upmost respect for him and our paths we chose to take to get us here. It's not always easy, but in the end it is worth it. Thanks for all the wonderful comments. love always, Carla
I do feel that jealously is a lack of security and I don’t like to even slightly feel that emotion. We normally do not talk about our break up; better to move forward in life, than think about the mistakes made. I do believe mistakes are lessons learned and often times STUPIDITY…as he stated “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”, I could have told him that. Sometimes in certain lives we do need to take that turn that one that puts you, me, we on different paths to appreciate those things you once had and hopefully if desired get that second chance. He was at least able to recognize with this other person just how much we treasured one another. Jealousy can be a daunting undertaking, especially when all things considered, the only person that can truly overcome or realize jealousy is truly a waste of good energy. Handling it like a mature, rational person is what we all have to do to overcome it and realize it is truly an unhealthy way to live. If you think about it and rationalize that there is no reason to really be jealous, then the feelings of jealousy comes less often, or less severely until it gets to the point where jealousy is nothing more than a chance for you and your partner to bond with a flirtatious look rather than a jealous emotion. Lastly, remember that jealousy is never "just a phase" of a relationship. It can be a serious issue that you can make or break an otherwise a healthy relationship. So, I choose to be happy and know that I have nothing but the upmost respect for him and our paths we chose to take to get us here. It's not always easy, but in the end it is worth it. Thanks for all the wonderful comments. love always, Carla
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
It's Unconditional "Love"
People have been asking me lately how my fiancé and I keep the love strong; it still really feels as though we just met. Basically I say, when two people share a strong bond of mutual understanding, respect and love it lays the foundation stone for an everlasting relationship. This bond just gets stronger with time; the trust between two people grows and so does the attachment.
This is the beauty of real love and friendship it's the essential meaning of marriage. Being lovers and friends means being there for each other at all times, whether it's good or bad. A husband and wife need to be very understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Ideally the meaning of marriage is sharing unconditional love for each other. However this is not an ideal world; therefore some form of expectations are allowed, but that has a limit too. The purpose and meaning of marriage is to make life's burdens lighter for each other and not make them heavier.
The meaning of marriage lies within our hearts, because true love is always felt may not always be expressed, but it is evidently always there. James and I do have a problem……people still tell us to “get a room”…ahhhhh "love sweet love".
This is the beauty of real love and friendship it's the essential meaning of marriage. Being lovers and friends means being there for each other at all times, whether it's good or bad. A husband and wife need to be very understanding and give each other the benefit of the doubt. Ideally the meaning of marriage is sharing unconditional love for each other. However this is not an ideal world; therefore some form of expectations are allowed, but that has a limit too. The purpose and meaning of marriage is to make life's burdens lighter for each other and not make them heavier.
The meaning of marriage lies within our hearts, because true love is always felt may not always be expressed, but it is evidently always there. James and I do have a problem……people still tell us to “get a room”…ahhhhh "love sweet love".
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
What makes a good marriage.....
As I continue to make last minute changes or add ons to my wedding....our wedding. I have been thinking about what really makes a good marriage. I know during the courtship period as they call it the "newlywed period", it feels at this point there will never be any issues or problems.....not. Will there alays be that passion that we have had for the past 7 1/2 years minus the seperation of two years? I know that marriage does take work especially with such different backgrounds.
As I read and take notes, there are a variety of other general characteristics of a good marriage. In a good marriage, husband and wife are careful to avoid temptations of infidelity. In a good marriage, couples respect one another. In a good marriage, people are willing to admit they are wrong. People forgive one another in a good marriage. In a good marriage, the partners have respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. In a good marriage, couples are loving, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally polite to one another. In a good marriage, the couple recognized that they are a team, and organize their lives as such.
At the root of much of these ideas is communication. Communication is one of the most important ways to have a good marriage. This is true in all of the areas of married life. A good marriage is one in which the couple can communicate about every issue, including children, work, household management, and sex. Couples need to be able to discuss how they are feeling, both in terms of how they feel about one another but also in terms of how they are feeling about other things in life. This does not mean that the husband and wife always agree on every issue; but it does mean that each is willing to listen to the other, and to discuss their points of view. Good communication makes a good marriage.
A good marriage is also one in which the married couple spends time together. With the hectic schedule of the modern world, couples have to make time to just be alone together. This can be anything from the weekly scheduled date night to an hour or so spent together in the evening after the kids are in bed or have gone out; now that they're 19. On a regular basis, the couple in a good marriage will do something together that they enjoy.
Ultimately, a good marriage is built on a foundation of love; but the bricks-and-mortar that rest on that foundation, such as communication, respect, and spending time together, take some effort.
I know we will always have that passion, but even that will take work with effort.
As I read and take notes, there are a variety of other general characteristics of a good marriage. In a good marriage, husband and wife are careful to avoid temptations of infidelity. In a good marriage, couples respect one another. In a good marriage, people are willing to admit they are wrong. People forgive one another in a good marriage. In a good marriage, the partners have respect for one another’s boundaries and privacy. In a good marriage, couples are loving, avoid unnecessary criticism, and are generally polite to one another. In a good marriage, the couple recognized that they are a team, and organize their lives as such.
At the root of much of these ideas is communication. Communication is one of the most important ways to have a good marriage. This is true in all of the areas of married life. A good marriage is one in which the couple can communicate about every issue, including children, work, household management, and sex. Couples need to be able to discuss how they are feeling, both in terms of how they feel about one another but also in terms of how they are feeling about other things in life. This does not mean that the husband and wife always agree on every issue; but it does mean that each is willing to listen to the other, and to discuss their points of view. Good communication makes a good marriage.
A good marriage is also one in which the married couple spends time together. With the hectic schedule of the modern world, couples have to make time to just be alone together. This can be anything from the weekly scheduled date night to an hour or so spent together in the evening after the kids are in bed or have gone out; now that they're 19. On a regular basis, the couple in a good marriage will do something together that they enjoy.
Ultimately, a good marriage is built on a foundation of love; but the bricks-and-mortar that rest on that foundation, such as communication, respect, and spending time together, take some effort.
I know we will always have that passion, but even that will take work with effort.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Single Mothers and their Choices
Being a single mother for the past 19 years it astonishes me just how many single mothers prefer not to work these days. As I sit here thinking back the moment I was told that I had conceived a child my thoughts were….what the hell am I going to do? I knew at that time in my life I was not ready let alone prepared, but I decided within those few minutes I would work my ass off to make it a goal in my life and my child’s life that she would never be without. When you know that your relationship is not going to work out “happily ever after” it’s that moment you decide what is in the best interest for yourself and your child to achieve the most in life. I knew no matter what I would be a survivor and not make my responsibility someone else’s. My daughter’s father wasn’t really in the picture, but I knew he cared and loved her, but I still knew he wasn’t going to be the family man and stick around. Through all the ups and downs my achievements and goals have been accomplished. I did it because I chose to have my child. I continue to reflect of the long haul that I and I believe most single mothers experienced; I still think there is a problem with the way the current system works. First of all, they say there is a need for the man to step up with in families and become better "dads" even if unwedded and not living with the other parent. Well that’s totally contradicting, when courts immediately say as soon as the child is born the mother is the only one with full custody in which they say the father is basically considered just the sperm donor; hum? Well if the father is just a sperm donor, why is he subject to pay money each month for his wonderful donation; hum? When do you get charged for a donation? Off the back it leads a man to feel less responsible and active in the participation, because he has no rights, depending on whom the female is and her background (meaning her way of being brought up) a man may have to go through a hoops without breaking it just to see his child without any problems; rather (verbally, physically, or financially). Not only do you have to pay child support, but you also have to pay the courts for rights (legitimating)' ridiculous! Not only do you to take the DNA test but you have to pay the courts to try and receive equally spent time with the child (joint custody), ridiculous! After all the possible fees, on top of support paid, now wonder why men seem so frustrated. They do care but it’s expensive to prove to the stereotypical eye of the courts. Last I checked the count shows most woman make more money than most men. How can men support the needs of her and the child, and try to better themselves, Even a second make up job is charged. What happen to I pay what she would pay, equally the same way the child was equally created. Child support is not only against men. They are against anyone who is the NON-custodial parent; it doesn't matter if you are male or female. They DO NOT care about your needs or if you can make a better life for yourself. Child Support is a very one-sided organization. Just send your money and keep your mouth shut is their attitude.
I feel that when there is a divorce, or even if a child is born out of wedlock that whoever has FULL custody of the child should also have the full responsibility that goes along with it, or at least the non-custodial parent should not have to pay such a ridiculously high amount of support. Believe me; if I can do it, anyone can.... well, who chooses to take that responsibility.
The Child Support system needs a complete overhaul and it's time they start being a bit more fair, and make these money grubbing custodial parents take more responsibility for the kids as well, or give them to the non-custodial parent instead. I have NEVER spent $600/month on my child, so tell me why a woman needs that much for one child!!!!!
In a number of instances, the custodial parent is also receiving state assistance, because they cannot make it on their own. They are most likely receiving food stamps, rent assistance, heat assistance and welfare or better yet working as they call it “under the table”. These are all based on the income they are receiving.
There are other situations that arise that affect the above. I am open-minded, having gone through this personally. I also have friends that have gone through it, and their ex's are money-grubbers. One goes after him every 3 years, just like clockwork, just like the state allows you to.
One question I have is this.....WHY is it that people always say "Oh you need to be there for the kid and help out with feeding, etc.?" In most divorce cases the mother does not want the ex around at all and doesn't even want to see the ex again, BUT she is right there to suck him dry for money "for the kid" as they put it.
And on top of all of this half of all single mothers do not want to work and simply will not take jobs, a report has found.
The analysis said Labour will never achieve its goal of persuading large numbers of lone parents to abandon a life on benefits because a huge proportion of them simply refuse to do so.
Four out of ten single mothers, say they do want to take jobs 'but only at some point in the future'.
Although some mothers who are looking or willing to look for work derive some benefit from the interviews, most see going to one as a routine part of claiming benefits.
I know how difficult it is to raise a child on your own, but who made that decision? I can understand if you’ve been in a relationship for several years as I was. I knew in my heart he was not the one and that I would continue to work and achieve as much as possible for my child. It's a fact of life that it takes two people to produce a child, and it is not right that one should be able to walk away from him/her. But, what do you expect when there is no love there and a persons reasons to have a child is in fact for all the wrong reasons. First, there are woman to make those choices to have a child on their own and then choose not to work and expect to be take care of……that is unexceptable in my book. That’s where the line should be drawn.
Why do single parents think that they should be looked after? Take some responsiblity for your life as well as your child(s).
I feel that when there is a divorce, or even if a child is born out of wedlock that whoever has FULL custody of the child should also have the full responsibility that goes along with it, or at least the non-custodial parent should not have to pay such a ridiculously high amount of support. Believe me; if I can do it, anyone can.... well, who chooses to take that responsibility.
The Child Support system needs a complete overhaul and it's time they start being a bit more fair, and make these money grubbing custodial parents take more responsibility for the kids as well, or give them to the non-custodial parent instead. I have NEVER spent $600/month on my child, so tell me why a woman needs that much for one child!!!!!
In a number of instances, the custodial parent is also receiving state assistance, because they cannot make it on their own. They are most likely receiving food stamps, rent assistance, heat assistance and welfare or better yet working as they call it “under the table”. These are all based on the income they are receiving.
There are other situations that arise that affect the above. I am open-minded, having gone through this personally. I also have friends that have gone through it, and their ex's are money-grubbers. One goes after him every 3 years, just like clockwork, just like the state allows you to.
One question I have is this.....WHY is it that people always say "Oh you need to be there for the kid and help out with feeding, etc.?" In most divorce cases the mother does not want the ex around at all and doesn't even want to see the ex again, BUT she is right there to suck him dry for money "for the kid" as they put it.
And on top of all of this half of all single mothers do not want to work and simply will not take jobs, a report has found.
The analysis said Labour will never achieve its goal of persuading large numbers of lone parents to abandon a life on benefits because a huge proportion of them simply refuse to do so.
Four out of ten single mothers, say they do want to take jobs 'but only at some point in the future'.
Although some mothers who are looking or willing to look for work derive some benefit from the interviews, most see going to one as a routine part of claiming benefits.
I know how difficult it is to raise a child on your own, but who made that decision? I can understand if you’ve been in a relationship for several years as I was. I knew in my heart he was not the one and that I would continue to work and achieve as much as possible for my child. It's a fact of life that it takes two people to produce a child, and it is not right that one should be able to walk away from him/her. But, what do you expect when there is no love there and a persons reasons to have a child is in fact for all the wrong reasons. First, there are woman to make those choices to have a child on their own and then choose not to work and expect to be take care of……that is unexceptable in my book. That’s where the line should be drawn.
Why do single parents think that they should be looked after? Take some responsiblity for your life as well as your child(s).
Friday, April 9, 2010
To my best friend "James"
You know when you are so amazed at how you could ever find that special friend whom shares your every moment? Who reaches for you exactly how you hoped, and always, always, helps make your dreams come true?! That's what my best friend is to me. We are inseparable! I love you James!!!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Mothers leaving their children-Am I wrong for judging?
While still making fun filled wedding plans and making sure that his and my child are a part of this festive and wonderful day, it astonishes me listening to a story being told about a woman. She was someone that is; I continue to listen, very selfish and as I became very curious not that brilliant in what she may call her career. How can a mother, mom, mommy find it in her heart to leave a child let alone children to make her own happiness; and really is she that happy? I can see now she was simply a void that didn’t have much meaning and I can see why. To me for most women, it's the one bond they'd never break.
"People say you have a responsibility to your children. Well, you’ve got a responsibility to yourself, if you choose to want to better your life, career, hobbies or whatever you make it out to be, there are still responsibilities in life and that is including your children having them close, letting them know you love and are there for them whenever they call. Getting on a plane once in a great while making that initial visit and heading back where ever you came from must not be a very good feeling and maybe some of us don’t have a choice, but when you do shouldn’t children come first? Maybe I was brought up feeling that I did come first in my mom’s eyes that she did make many sacrifices in her own life for me and my siblings, it hurts of course because she did make so many sacrifices but it made me a better person not only to myself but to my daughter. It really got me to thinking; after all, if it was a man meeting up with his children, I would think: 'That’s really lovely.' In truth, we don‘t view mothers in the same way.
"There are also women who don’t take naturally to motherhood. In the past, they would have stuck to it because the alternatives were few or zero. Now these mothers feel they do have a choice, and perhaps they feel society won’t judge them as harshly as it would have done years ago."
"In general it is always best for a child to remain in constant and loving contact with a mother, but circumstances vary, and perhaps society nowadays does not judge as harshly as it would have done in previous generations." I am no one to judge, but I do question mothers who make selfish choices to live a life that’s really just a fantasy, to choose a man or job over children, well that’s where I do judge.
"People say you have a responsibility to your children. Well, you’ve got a responsibility to yourself, if you choose to want to better your life, career, hobbies or whatever you make it out to be, there are still responsibilities in life and that is including your children having them close, letting them know you love and are there for them whenever they call. Getting on a plane once in a great while making that initial visit and heading back where ever you came from must not be a very good feeling and maybe some of us don’t have a choice, but when you do shouldn’t children come first? Maybe I was brought up feeling that I did come first in my mom’s eyes that she did make many sacrifices in her own life for me and my siblings, it hurts of course because she did make so many sacrifices but it made me a better person not only to myself but to my daughter. It really got me to thinking; after all, if it was a man meeting up with his children, I would think: 'That’s really lovely.' In truth, we don‘t view mothers in the same way.
"There are also women who don’t take naturally to motherhood. In the past, they would have stuck to it because the alternatives were few or zero. Now these mothers feel they do have a choice, and perhaps they feel society won’t judge them as harshly as it would have done years ago."
"In general it is always best for a child to remain in constant and loving contact with a mother, but circumstances vary, and perhaps society nowadays does not judge as harshly as it would have done in previous generations." I am no one to judge, but I do question mothers who make selfish choices to live a life that’s really just a fantasy, to choose a man or job over children, well that’s where I do judge.
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